Memorable Moments in Pregnancy

I started realizing that I haven't really documented much from my pregnancy. A few pictures here and there... but nothing written down. So here are a few things that I don't want to forget.

- Taking that first pregnancy test. Seeing the very light second line and having a minor breakdown. I called Tyler in and he tried to reassure me that there was no line. What a great husband, trying to calm down a crazy wife. Upon the second, third and even fourth tests, we were convinced. Tyler then asked a good friend the next morning, "Dude. How accurate are pregnancy tests?" Todd's response, "Pretty damn accurate." :)

-Hearing her heartbeat for the first time at our 12 week sonogram. At that point, all I felt was sick 24/7. There was little joy and excitement on my end. I even found it hard to believe that there was a real live baby in there, even though I definitely felt the effects of all my resources being sucked right out of me. I slept an average of 10 hours a night and basically hated life. I felt drugged every afternoon and I'm sure patience and love for my sweet 3rd graders was the farthest from my mind. But, when I got to see a real live baby on that screen, kicking and moving and hear a REAL heartbeat? Oh my goodness. Pretty incredible.

-How sweet Tyler was to me in those not very fun months of the first trimester. That makes it sound like he's not sweet. He is. But, he did almost anything for me that I asked. He let me sleep through meetings that I'm sure he would have loved for me to be at to support him. He made sandwiches, went on late night grocery store runs, reminded me to eat when I was feeling sick, never made me feel guilty for taking naps after work, waking up to cook/eat dinner, then going straight back to bed. He was a picture of grace and mercy in a time when I was struggling. What a man. He's going to be such a good daddy.

-Finding out that we had a baby girl growing inside of me. Tyler and I had to drive separately to the doc. because I had to go straight from work. My time in the car by myself afterwards with Jesus and Ellerbe was wonderful. It was such a worshipful, fun time. :) It was the first time I think I could honestly say, "I love this baby!" I know that I would have felt this way about having a boy too. There was something about attaching an identity to her that made me realize that she was going to be a person, with a soul, with struggles, needs, victories and defeats. It's easy to forget that I guess when you're just feeling bitter that you can't ever keep your breakfast down.

-Feeling those first movements. It was Thankgiving at the David's house in Dallas. I think it was the Wednesday before and everyone was at work. Tyler and I were happy to have the morning to ourselves. We sat on their deck and read and talked and had coffee together. I had felt her before (I think) but this was the first time that I was able to say with confidence that I felt a little kick or high-five or something. I was even able to feel it with my hand on my stomach. When I told the nurses in my doctor's office this, they didn't believe me. But why would I lie about this?

-Running into the parent of one of my students in the grocery store. She didn't know that I was pregnant and said, "YOU HAVE A BUMP!" :) Pregnancy hormones raging, I totally teared up in the near the apples and said, "Yes! That IS a bump! Thanks for noticing!" It's really fun to go from "chubby" to pregnant. It still doesn't get old when people ask when I'm due or what I'm having. I love it.

-Actually having a baby belly to show for all my hard work :) I still struggle with what to wear (feeling like a beach ball and all...) and feeling not very cute lots of times, but I have a very wonderful husband who makes sure to tell me lots that he thinks I'm the cutest pregnant woman ever and makes cute comments about my belly. (I know... this is ridiculously vain. But let's be honest here... this is what I deal with.)

-The day my innie belly button became an outtie. :) I emailed my closest girlfriends all across the world (literally. Ethiopia, Cambodia, Illinois and Texas.) with a picture. Which, I'm not posting on here. Sorry, I know you're disappointed.

-Starting a countdown marking the days when we get to meet sweet Ellerbe Anne. At the time it was 100 days. Which is crazy, because only 2 ish years ago, I started a countdown to when I would get to know Tyler David as my husband at 100 days. (Who am I kidding, I started far before that, but 100 days is when it got serious. There was a paper chain involved.) And look where we are now? Married for over 2 years! So, apparently time doesn't stop, like I feel that it might. We will REALLY have a little girl filling up our lives in about 85 days now. Unreal.

I think those are all the things I don't want to forget. Of course, there are things I DO want to forget, otherwise, I won't ever have a biological child again. And we want a few more of those guys. (Or so we say pre-Ellerbe.)

What unforgettable things from your pregnancy did you document?

"Can I Rub Your Belly?"

I had my first prenatal massage this week. It was wonderful, really. But here are a few critiques I have:

-Laying on my side wasn't my favorite. I have to lay on my side all. the. time. I was really hoping for a big hole in the table so that I could stick my big ole' belly in there and lay on my stomach. If I get the chance to get another prenatal massage in the next 3 months, I'm totally looking for a place with this table.

-Prenatal massages should have a built in bathroom break. With my sweet little Baby B tap dancing on my bladder, I knew that this was bound to happen. So I didn't drink ANY liquid the morning before and went to the bathroom at least 3 times. Including RIGHT before I went into the massage room. However, about 50 minutes into my wonderful hour-long massage, there it was. It kind of ruined the last 10 minutes for me. I guess I could have asked for a break. But that would have involved getting dressed, walking all the way down the hall, coming back, getting undressed and settled and that would have left about 3 minutes in my massage! It just didn't seem worth it. My suggestion: a built in break that doesn't interfere with your massage time. A bathroom connected to the room that you're in. Is that too much to ask? :)

-Weirdly enough, (or maybe not so weirdly enough, I've never had a prenatal massage before) Monica (my sweet masseuse) asked if she could rub my belly. She said it was a great way to sooth the baby after she's born, because she'll remember that touch. Ok. This, I still don't really understand. How am I supposed to rub my baby? Whatever... I thought, "Why not?" Well, next time I'll probably say, "No." I mean, it felt OK. It was just WEIRD. I was laying on my side and she would reach over me, pull my belly from underneath like she was trying to roll over a beached whale. Dislike. One fun thing that came with this though, Elle got all kinds of crazy afterwords. I hadn't really felt her all morning, so I was a little concerned because normally she's moving all the time. [Did you know that Elle's sleeping and dreaming in there? This probably accounts for her lack of activity that morning. ] So, it was reassuring and fun to have her with me. She either loved the belly rubbing or hated it. :)

Those are my critiques for prenatal massages. Overall... wonderful. Will I do it again? Who in their right mind passes up any kind of massage? Yes.

Happy Saturday!

The Count Down Blog...

I love to countdown. Maybe it's my twisted view of how life will somehow get better when this, that or the other gets here. But mostly, I just really love looking forward to things. Anything, really. So here's my current list of countdowns...

5 days until I get my first pre-natal massage. (Thanks, Tyler!)

8 days until the Science Fair is over and I can breathe easy again. (If you know me and details and how we don't really get along, you'll understand how this makes me feel.)

16 days until we get to see Baby B again! I can't wait to see what she's been doing in there! (Oh, I also have to do all kinds of tests, but I'm not counting down for that.)

24 days until Tyler and I head off to our last getaway without a baby in tow.

31 days until my first baby shower :). (Cloth Diaper shower to be exact.)

66 days until my last week of waking up slow, sipping coffee and enjoying silence. Which is what I will be doing every day this Spring Break.

95 days until (Lord willing) we meet this sweet ladybug hanging out in my belly all day.

What are you counting down to?

Snapshots...

... from my week. (No actual pictures... sorry.)

-Welcoming seventeen 8 and 9 yr. olds back into my life with lots of hugs and smiles.

- Enjoying these sweet 8 and 9 yr. olds so much I'm starting to get sad about leaving them early.

- Being so irritated with these same 8 and 9 yr. olds that I can hardly wait to get out of there. :) (Just being honest...)

-25 minute turkey sandwich lunches.

-"I lose my hat... I lose my dignity." Says the 8 yr. old when the sombrero was confiscated.

- Lots of belly touches. :)

-20 minute power naps on the couch upon getting home from school.

- "Stop it! You'll hurt her!" Says my sweet, protective baby-daddy as I'm prodding at her to try

to get her to move around.

- A ruined batch of cookie dough because I added way to much butter. (Don't worry, I sort of fixed it by adding lots of flour, but now they're just really crumbly and not as delicious as I was hoping for.)

That's it. Happy first week back from Christmas Break, teachers! Hope you are back in the swing of things!

Newness...

Happy 2011! I love January 1. While, yesterday it consisted of lazing in my pajamas [literally] all day trying to recover from our wild and crazy celebration the night before... (and struggling with guilt for such laziness) I still really cherish the chance to reevaluate, take stock, and set goals.

So, let's be honest. Here is one thing (among thousands) I just plain fail in: Spending consistent time studying Scripture.

There are probably 10 million reasons why. (Laziness, lack of discipline, love of comfort, the list could go on and on.) But it is difficult for me to put down the novel, computer, to-do list, or get up out of my very comfortable bed to pursue Christ with my mind and think on His great truths. I'm almost positive this isn't easy for anyone, but I seem to always think that if I wasn't in "X" situation, I'd be able to spend more time in Scripture. But, this is my own deceitful heart (see Jeremiah 17:9) convincing my easily swayed mind that "It's FINE that I lack discipline in studying God's Word. It's FINE that I spend more time on facebook and blog reading than filling my mind and heart with Him."

False. It's not fine. Not because I'm caught in a tangle of unspeakable sins and craziness. But because when I'm not thinking upon truth, I'm thinking upon lies and deception and slowly they are creeping into my heart and choking me. Because it is what gives me life, God's Spoken Word is what transforms me. And Lord knows I need to be transformed in big ways. I'm a mess.

So, a goal that I have set for myself in 2011 is to pursue reading the Bible in one year. I've run enough 1/2 Marathons (ok, 2) to know that it is a slow, painful build up to running 13.1 miles. However, I also know that reaping righteousness comes from sowing in the Spirit.

"For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life."

Galatians 6:8

So, that may mean catching up on Saturdays some weeks, but it also means that the power to say no to my self-indulgent nature comes from Jesus, who spent every waking minute living by His Father's power, will, design and never giving into the desires of His flesh. He's completely trustworthy, completely powerful, completely wise. I will struggle, I will surely fail, I will beg for strength to turn away from myself and look upon Him.

I'll let you know how it goes.

In other news, I have a few things for you!

#1: Delicious Fish Tacos

I've made these for dinner parties before and everyone (including myself) always gushes about delicious they are. They're kind of summer-y, but I don't even care. I found them at allrecipes.com and they've become a regular in our dinner party repertoire. Super easy, feeds lots of people, and my fish-eating vegan friends are allowed to enjoy it as well, as long as you substitute the sour cream sauce for Tofutti sour cream. (Which sounds questionable, but my sour-cream-loving husband loved it.) Enjoy!

Feeds 6

1 T. Olive Oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

6 (3 oz.) Mahi Mahi (or another white fish) fillets

1/3 c. sour cream (or Tofutti Sour Supreme if that matters to you)

1 T. lime juice

1 tsp. minced fresh ginger root

1 dash cayenne pepper

1/4 tsp. ground cumin

1 large mango- peeled, seeded and diced

1 c. diced fresh pineapple

1 avocado- peeled, pitted and diced

1 jalapeno pepper, minced

corn tortillas, warmed (the recipe calls for flour, but I think I like corn better with these tacos)

1 c. chopped fresh cilantro

Directions:

1. Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Season the fillets with salt and pepper. Cook the fillets in the hot oil until the fish is golden brown on each side and no longer translucent in the center, about 3 minutes on each side.

2. Meanwhile, whisk together the sour cream, lime juice, ginger, cumin, cayenne, salt and pepper to taste; set aside. Gently combine the mango, jalapeno, avocado, and pineapple in a bowl.

3. To assemble, place c ooked mahi-mahi fillet onto the center of a warmed tortilla, place a scoop of mago salsa onto the fish, drizzle with sour cream sauce, top with cilantro (if you want, I think it tastes like soap, so I always omit this step) and enjoy!

#2: My first posted belly picture. It's getting to the point where it's actually something to see now, so I figured I'd show you what I'm working with. I'm 25 weeks today and I actually had a dream last night that I could see her little hand print on my belly where she's been trying to give me high-fives from the inside. It was weird. Here she is:

Happy 2011 from my ever-growing belly and me. Hope yours is full of reflection, goal setting, and lots of breaths of fresh air.

2 Whole Years

Sitting at a table of much wiser, more mature women last night while playing Bunco, the topic of anniversaries came up. All around me, 40 years of marriage, 35 years, 43 years, and I sat in my small little voice and said, "2 years tomorrow." While in awe of a lifetime of marriage, I am actually very proud to say that my precious husband and I have been married for 2 years!

2 years ago TODAY I was putting on the most beautiful dress I'll probably ever wear, surrounded by ALL of my friends and family, which will probably not happen again any time soon, with sweaty palms anticipating walking down the aisle on a 78 degree day in December to meet the man who would promise to stay by my side for the rest of our lives. As excited as I was that day, I just had no idea how truly wonderful this thing called marriage really was.

Last year, as we celebrated our 1st year of marriage at a sweet Bed and Breakfast Bandera, we gushed with what we'd learned, how we'd changed, what we'd been shown about ourselves through God's gracious refining in marriage. It was such a refreshing, reflective weekend for us. See, the first year of marriage wasn't so wonderful. It was really, really tough. I suffered from a major identity crisis: that is, finding my identity in what I perceived my new husband thought of me and NOT in who Jesus said that I was because of His work on the cross. I was needy and Tyler lacked grace. He struggled to love me like Christ loves us, which isn't based on any merit or standard. I saw that and dug myself into a hole of shame and fear and the vicious cycle went around and around. Now that I've aired all our dirty laundry, I can confidently say that Jesus has overcome those dark days of self-loathing, fear, and judgement. (Not to say that I'll never struggle with that again, but I'm equipped with faith in who Jesus is for me this time.)

This year, as we sat beside the Guadalupe River in New Braunfels, our reflection was much more brief and our appreciation and love for one another much more full. Tyler David, I'm so thankful that God chose you for my husband. Here are just a few of the reasons why:

- My life is full of laughter (at and with) you. And no one makes me laugh quite as hard as you do. Laughing with you is my favorite thing to do.

- Your heart is beautiful. You are fully (most of the time ;) ) aware of Jesus' saving work accomplished for you on the cross and this produces so much humility and gentleness in you. I learn from you daily ( even if my stubborn self refuses to admit it at first.)

- You remind me of the beauty of this saving work in your life with your words. You tell me the Gospel all the time.

- You remind me of the beauty of this saving work in your life with your actions. The grace that you have poured in our home has pointed me continually to the grace that is found in Jesus. Even when I'm being lazy, uptight, naggy, or ridiculous (or all of these simultaneously) you are patient, kind, loving and generous just as Christ is to me.

- You're going to make such a great Papa Bear to our sweet baby Elle.

- You are a kitchen cleaning wizard.

- God's gifted you with so much wisdom, discernment and insight that it can be frustrating. (When I don't feel like having my deep dark sin revealed to me. :) ) But you are such a blessing in this way.

- You always let me put my feet on you, even when you say "DON'T PUT YOUR FEET ON ME!!" :)

- You let me dress you. (And for that we are all grateful.)

- You're handsome. Oh, so handsome.

The list goes on. I won't bore you any longer. But these are the reasons I'm thankful for God's faithfulness in our little 2 years of marriage. Amen and amen.

Happy 2 years to us!

lauren

History of Redemption

So, I've been needing/wanting to write this down for a while. As I'm taking a break/procrastinating from some other necessary (but not quite as fun) duties, I thought I'd share my thoughts.

A few weeks ago at our church, The Austin Stone, Ronnie Smith shared The History of Redemption with us. (Hear it here.) It is basically a walk throughout the Bible. It's the story of us, a broken people, being chased by a loving God who saves us from hopelessness, brokenness, addiction, vain suffering, and deep depression and adopts us into His family of love, deep joy and extending hope accomplished through the work of Jesus Christ. As I sat, listening to this sweet, sweet story of my own Redemption, I was moved to tears. (Granted, pregnancy hormones are raging and I cry at every church service now... but, I promise this is legitimate.)

In my tears, I realized that God's Word still moves me. I mean, moves me. It stirs my affections, my heart towards a love of Jesus. Nothing else in this world that I've experienced does that in this way. The sad truth is that I know people that God's Spoken Word and story of Love doesn't move. It doesn't produce any joy, any faith, any love in them. This breaks. my. heart. And I will continue to beg the God who holds the whole world in His hands that, one day, He would move them with His Words. But, I am utterly thankful that the truth that God put on flesh, came after me, sacrificed all of Himself that I might walk in His name and know the freedom of His love and acceptance evokes a response out of me. Praise God that He's the One that stirs hearts. Because I know that if it's up to me, I choose empty, vain, selfish things every time. Hallelujah.

My culinary response to such a sweet Savior is this:

Squishy-Delishy Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies.

This is my very most favorite cookie of all time. Much like God's Word to my soul, I've never eaten another cookie that's as delicious. (Pahahha! Are you laughing at me like I'm laughing at myself?) When I first stumbled across these gems while doing some blog stalking, I decided then and there, that this would be the cookie my kids begged me to make. I also decided that it would only make appearances during the holidays beginning on the first day of fall. Without further ado, here it is-the best cookie EVER.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies
Adapted from Joy the Baker

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg (freshly grated if you have it)
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
2 eggs
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup canola or corn oil
1 1/2 cups canned pumpkin
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chips
3/4 chopped walnuts (optional)

1. Position a rack in the middle of the oven. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper and butter the paper.

2. Stir the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and spices together in a medium bowl and set aside.

3. In a large bowl using an electric mixer on medium speed, beat the eggs and sugar until smooth and lightened in color, about 1 minute. Stop the mixer and scrape down the sides as needed. On low speed, mix the oil, pumpkin, and vanilla until blended. Mix the flour mixture to incorporate it. Stir in the chips and nuts by hand.

4. Scoop mounds of the dough onto the prepared baking sheets, spacing the cookies at least 2 1/2-inches apart. About 1/4-cup per scoop.

5. Bake the cookies one sheet at a time until the tops feel firm and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out dry, about 15 minutes. Let them cool on the sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a rack to cool completely.

Enjoy!

Coming soon... pregnant belly pictures. Have I mentioned that Elle's been karate kicking me like crazy? Love this little ninja!!