2 years ago TODAY I was putting on the most beautiful dress I'll probably ever wear, surrounded by ALL of my friends and family, which will probably not happen again any time soon, with sweaty palms anticipating walking down the aisle on a 78 degree day in December to meet the man who would promise to stay by my side for the rest of our lives. As excited as I was that day, I just had no idea how truly wonderful this thing called marriage really was.
Last year, as we celebrated our 1st year of marriage at a sweet Bed and Breakfast Bandera, we gushed with what we'd learned, how we'd changed, what we'd been shown about ourselves through God's gracious refining in marriage. It was such a refreshing, reflective weekend for us. See, the first year of marriage wasn't so wonderful. It was really, really tough. I suffered from a major identity crisis: that is, finding my identity in what I perceived my new husband thought of me and NOT in who Jesus said that I was because of His work on the cross. I was needy and Tyler lacked grace. He struggled to love me like Christ loves us, which isn't based on any merit or standard. I saw that and dug myself into a hole of shame and fear and the vicious cycle went around and around. Now that I've aired all our dirty laundry, I can confidently say that Jesus has overcome those dark days of self-loathing, fear, and judgement. (Not to say that I'll never struggle with that again, but I'm equipped with faith in who Jesus is for me this time.)
This year, as we sat beside the Guadalupe River in New Braunfels, our reflection was much more brief and our appreciation and love for one another much more full. Tyler David, I'm so thankful that God chose you for my husband. Here are just a few of the reasons why:
- My life is full of laughter (at and with) you. And no one makes me laugh quite as hard as you do. Laughing with you is my favorite thing to do.
- Your heart is beautiful. You are fully (most of the time ;) ) aware of Jesus' saving work accomplished for you on the cross and this produces so much humility and gentleness in you. I learn from you daily ( even if my stubborn self refuses to admit it at first.)
- You remind me of the beauty of this saving work in your life with your words. You tell me the Gospel all the time.
- You remind me of the beauty of this saving work in your life with your actions. The grace that you have poured in our home has pointed me continually to the grace that is found in Jesus. Even when I'm being lazy, uptight, naggy, or ridiculous (or all of these simultaneously) you are patient, kind, loving and generous just as Christ is to me.
- You're going to make such a great Papa Bear to our sweet baby Elle.
- You are a kitchen cleaning wizard.
- God's gifted you with so much wisdom, discernment and insight that it can be frustrating. (When I don't feel like having my deep dark sin revealed to me. :) ) But you are such a blessing in this way.
- You always let me put my feet on you, even when you say "DON'T PUT YOUR FEET ON ME!!" :)
- You let me dress you. (And for that we are all grateful.)
- You're handsome. Oh, so handsome.
The list goes on. I won't bore you any longer. But these are the reasons I'm thankful for God's faithfulness in our little 2 years of marriage. Amen and amen.
Happy 2 years to us!
lauren
Oh Lauren, I take such comfort in your blogs!
ReplyDeleteI finally let myself breathe when you wrote about YOUR struggle as a first year teacher, and now I can breathe and know that it's normal to have a rough beginning (in marriage) and have it smooth out (almost ;)) by the second year. It's so important to remember that neither the husband nor the wife is going to be perfect and the way we though it would all be, but accepting them for their perfections and imperfections is what makes things real and beautiful!
I hope you're doing my lovely pregnant friend :) Give a belly rub to Elle from Aunt Zahra!
p.s. You were (are) such a beautiful bride :) Congrats to you and Tyler on your anniversary!