Daughter, Wife, Mother... this is what I do

Saturday, June 19, 2010


Sneak peak into my struggle with indifference:

I've been keenly aware of my lack of passion these days. I choose to inundate myself with simple, immediate pleasures: working out, watching more tv than I know that I should, reading delicious novels that consume my heart and my thoughts, eating REALLY good food, pleasures of this nature. I know what you're thinking, "Those are GREAT things!" And I agree! They are beautiful, wonderful, God-given things that are made to turn our attention and affection to a BRILLIANT Creator! However, I spin these wondrous joys to sedate me. To keep me content and comfortable. I'm a classic over-indulger and I've learned the hard way that too much of a good thing ALWAYS lulls me into indifference. In my indifference, what I know to be true shifts a bit. Today, I found myself believing that God was indifferent towards me. As I read some previous entries in my REAP (Read Examine Apply Pray) journal, God revealed that I've struggled with this belief for a while. Here's what I read, and what I learned (or re-learned) about the character of a great King:

Psalm 3:3-5 "But You, O Lord are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, and He answered me from His holy mountain. I lay down and slept; I awoke for the Lord sustains me."

(to give you some context:)The Psalmist here is fearing for his life. HIs enemies have increased and are rising up around him, but he holds fast to his hope and dependance on the Lord.

God is not indifferent about anything. Regardless of our lack of attention, affection or sacrifice for Him, He is not indifferent towards us. An indifferent God does not "set Himself as a shield around me", doesn't "lift my head." An indifferent God does not answer to my whining. An indifferent Creator and King does not remain faithful when I am utterly, wretchedly fleeting and faithless. He is the most caring, most attentive Being in existence. There's purpose in all He does. Meaning in every stitch of fabric in His Creation.

I struggle with indifference and wasting my life away on frivolity... but my Savior and King won't. He's chosen to love, care, fight for and against this in me through becoming a Man, a Man that did NOT fall pray to these things, but suffered the death that I deserve for willingly giving myself over to these things and not acknowledging His beauty in it all. (Even though I KNOW that He's SO MUCH BETTER!)

Thankfully, God promises to finish the work He's started in me (Phil. 1:6) and does so by showing me how ugly my heart is, but juxtaposes my vulgarity with His beauty. He's the One who's faithful. I run from Him often... but He, for reasons I don't fully understand, chooses to run harder still so that I might point to how great He is.

Happy Saturday!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

A New Heaven and A New Earth

These pictures, this oil spill is not new. We've been hearing about it for days and days and days. It's not an earthquake, it hasn't killed hundreds of thousands of people in seconds. However, when I hear about it, look at pictures of it, my heart sinks enough in my chest to make me think. At first, I feel guilty for feeling such hurt over something that is not QUITE so devastating as the earthquake in Haiti a few months ago. (Even though, I know that this catastrophe has unending consequences for the people of the gulf region.) But as I was looking at pictures of these birds (and I LOATHE birds) DRENCHED in oil, God reminded me that the filth, the mire, the sense of death that comes from seeing images like that are not new because He has not restored them to newness. So... I wait, I hope in a Savior and a King that will come again to restore His creation to its original state. Because He has revealed this great hope to me through the restoration of my own wicked (yes, very wicked. i'll tell you about it sometime) soul by the death and resurrection of the King of Kings, I hope in the same restoration for the world. Because deep inside of me, I'm groaning for perfection. I'm guessing you probably are too...

Revelation 21:1-4
1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."