Daughter, Wife, Mother... this is what I do

Saturday, June 19, 2010


Sneak peak into my struggle with indifference:

I've been keenly aware of my lack of passion these days. I choose to inundate myself with simple, immediate pleasures: working out, watching more tv than I know that I should, reading delicious novels that consume my heart and my thoughts, eating REALLY good food, pleasures of this nature. I know what you're thinking, "Those are GREAT things!" And I agree! They are beautiful, wonderful, God-given things that are made to turn our attention and affection to a BRILLIANT Creator! However, I spin these wondrous joys to sedate me. To keep me content and comfortable. I'm a classic over-indulger and I've learned the hard way that too much of a good thing ALWAYS lulls me into indifference. In my indifference, what I know to be true shifts a bit. Today, I found myself believing that God was indifferent towards me. As I read some previous entries in my REAP (Read Examine Apply Pray) journal, God revealed that I've struggled with this belief for a while. Here's what I read, and what I learned (or re-learned) about the character of a great King:

Psalm 3:3-5 "But You, O Lord are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, and He answered me from His holy mountain. I lay down and slept; I awoke for the Lord sustains me."

(to give you some context:)The Psalmist here is fearing for his life. HIs enemies have increased and are rising up around him, but he holds fast to his hope and dependance on the Lord.

God is not indifferent about anything. Regardless of our lack of attention, affection or sacrifice for Him, He is not indifferent towards us. An indifferent God does not "set Himself as a shield around me", doesn't "lift my head." An indifferent God does not answer to my whining. An indifferent Creator and King does not remain faithful when I am utterly, wretchedly fleeting and faithless. He is the most caring, most attentive Being in existence. There's purpose in all He does. Meaning in every stitch of fabric in His Creation.

I struggle with indifference and wasting my life away on frivolity... but my Savior and King won't. He's chosen to love, care, fight for and against this in me through becoming a Man, a Man that did NOT fall pray to these things, but suffered the death that I deserve for willingly giving myself over to these things and not acknowledging His beauty in it all. (Even though I KNOW that He's SO MUCH BETTER!)

Thankfully, God promises to finish the work He's started in me (Phil. 1:6) and does so by showing me how ugly my heart is, but juxtaposes my vulgarity with His beauty. He's the One who's faithful. I run from Him often... but He, for reasons I don't fully understand, chooses to run harder still so that I might point to how great He is.

Happy Saturday!

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