Life and 8 month olds...

This little lady is officially 8 months old (on 12/23.) Time has absolutely flown. In the name of documentation, here are some things that are new in her world:

-Eating finger foods like a champ. She would probably prefer solely eating finger foods, because whenever I bust out that little plastic spoon and the pureed goodness it's war. (Slight exaggeration, she's actually a very good eater. She just enjoys feeding herself and doesn't seem to enjoy as much when she doesn't have control.)

-Crawling everywhere. She was a little wobbly and slow at first (starting around 7 months) but she is actually quite speedy now.

-Pulling up on anything and everything that her little chubby hands can reach. Quite often that includes my legs.

-Has FOUR teeth! She got her first two teeth (the bottom middle 2) at about 5 months and the two on either side of those teeth broke through yesterday. I love her little snaggle-tooth smile :)

-Making raspberry sounds. She loves to play the imitation game. If you blow a raspberry at her, she'll do it back to you. So much fun.

-Waving! She started this when her Great Grandpa was waving at her on Christmas and all of a sudden, a sweet little hand went up and down in the air! Sometimes she puts her whole arm into it, sometimes she just grabs the air with her hand. Love seeing her learn and associate words with actions.

-(Speaking of words...) I think she has a growing understanding of the word "no"... actually "no ma'am" which is what we say to her most frequently. Tyler and I have both seen her stop what she's doing when we say, "No ma'am!" firmly. Still hasn't worked in trying to teach her not to stand in her crib or in the bath tub. I feel like my life lately has been spent sitting/laying her back down and saying, "No ma'am. Elle, we don't stand in the crib/bathtub." Sheesh

-Still crying herself to sleep... this has been not so fun for me. Or anyone really. It brings lots of anxiety and stress. We decided, after we were done traveling for the holidays, to buckle down. I committed to not going in and interacting with her for as long or as often. It. Has. Been. ROUGH. I think, in large part, due to her teeth coming through. I've struggled with this, because everything in me wants to abandon our plan because she's been teething. I want to blame all her sleeping struggles on this. And it MAY be that, but I don't think it's wise for me to cave in and rock her to sleep or let her sleep with us every night because she's hurting. I've been giving her baby ibuprofen and trying to stick with it. There have been several days where she has cried right through every nap and then falls asleep eating in the evening because she's so exhausted. We're on day 4 of this bootcamp and I'm giving it until Sunday. Hopefully we'll see some progress by then. Progress at this point would look like less than 45 minutes of crying :(. And naps longer than 30 minutes after falling asleep. Not fun for anyone, I say.

[We did have one night where she fell asleep after only 2 minutes of crying AND put herself back to sleep in the middle of the night after only 20 minutes of crying. I think this was God's gift to me to help me press on. I can totally handle 2 minutes of crying!]

I hate to end on that note. Because this has been the best month by far.

Building more than I see...

I meet weekly with a group of young moms in our neighborhood. We mostly spend time processing through scripture, which is good, necessary and challenging for all of us. But, today we spent time sharing how we were doing.

Mostly prompted because I have been struggling. Struggling with the insecurity and discontentment that "merely" taking care of a child can bring to a heart that's not finding it's worth in the truth that God calls me worthy in Jesus.

I found that the lot of us were all struggling with this insecurity and discontentment of staying at home. Are we really doing anything that's important? Are our husbands mentally rolling their eyes as we explain the stress of a baby that didn't take as long a nap as they should? What are we really spending our days doing?

Blah.

But here's where I'm encouraged and uplifted. The gospel. God, wrapped in flesh, became a baby. He became small and insignificant. He spit up and cried and pooped on Himself. and His mother spent her days cleaning Him up, rocking Him to sleep and taking care of Him. And one day, Jesus would bridge the eternal divide that existed between His Father and creation. One day, Jesus would defeat sin and death. Crazy. Mary's mundane was made into the greatest gift humanity has ever been given, and God was glorified in the small things.

Here's what John Piper has to say about it:

"There is a principle here that applies to you and me: God takes small, imperfect things and builds them into a habitation for his glory. O, how we should take courage in our little spheres of influence! And is this not the message of Advent and Christmas?

What more appropriate word could God have said to Mary as Jesus was growing up: Take courage, young mother, you build more than you see. And so it is with every one of us. Nothing you do is a trifle if you do it in the name of God. He will shake heaven and earth to fill your labor with splendor. Take courage, you build more than you see."

My heart is filled with hope because bottles and laundry are not the end of what's being built here. My heart is filled with hope because I am not the dictator of how things will turn out. My heart is filled with hope in thinking on how God made good on His promise to save me when Jesus was born.

You build more than you see...

Independence...

A little [embarassing] fact about me. I used to think I was an awesome speller. But then I noticed that I always spell "independence" "independAnce." Maybe I thought it made the word more fun?

Which leads me to my next point. Teaching my kid independence has not been as fun as I dreamed it would be. (Actually, I don't think I thought about it much until recently.) At least at this point. Currently, we're attempting to teach her to be independent of us (me, really) in falling asleep. In the past 7 months I have been vehemently against letting Elle "Cry-It-Out" (CIO). There was something that curled up and died inside of me as a mom in not soothing my child when she's crying for me. I couldn't and just wouldn't handle it. I researched articles and studies that proved why letting Elle CIO was harmful for her. (There's not much... if you're interested.) So, for awhile, even though I had to RUN to her every couple of hours to prevent the cry from escalating to supersonic levels, I stuck by my stance of not letting my child cry. It was too painful for me and for her. And while rocking/nursing your cuddly, ever-growing-and-changing-not-a-baby-for-much-longer baby to sleep really is as wonderful as it sounds and I would do it every single night if I could, it's the constant waking and crying because they don't know how to calm themselves back to sleep after waking in the middle of the night that is absolutely exhausting. Not just for me. For Tyler, too.

After a series of somewhat heated discussions on the topic, I realized my sin in this area. I wanted absolute comfort in raising my child. Even if that meant losing sleep. I didn't want to hurt for her. I didn't want to even think that she might be in pain. This is motherhood, though, right? We want to keep our kids comfortable and happy and snuggled up safely in our arms, even if that means we never get any sleep. Even as I'm writing this, I'm fighting the urge to think, "But that's so noble of me! To give up my rest for the comfort of my daughter! What a great mom I am!"

But is our kids' happiness and comfort really the appropriate measure of success for us as mothers? I think America would like for us to believe that it is. But if I'm looking at parenting through the lens of who Jesus is and what He has created me for, success in parenting would be to usher my child into an independent love and worship of her creator. I don't want her to be a woman who says, "Yeah, my mom really loves Jesus" when asked about her faith. Or even the, "I was raised in a Christian home" answer that most of us utter when asked what we believe.

Thus began the first of many adventures in teaching Elle to be independent. Letting her cry. It has been every bit as hard as I thought it would be (though, not quite as intense and awful as it was the one time we let her cry when she was only 4 months old. If you're thinking of doing it, I would wait until 6-7 months-ish. It makes such a difference that I know her different cries.) I haven't let her cry for more than 10 minutes at a time at this point. (about 4 days in) And I do pick her up and sometimes even rock her a bit if she's super worked up. Maybe this will prolong the process, who knows? But I'm leaving room for that ever intrusive motherly instinct that some books tell you to squash in the name of efficiency. And, I will tell you that it. has. worked. She has actually put herself to sleep a few times. And last night, she even slept until 6 am. 6 IN THE MORNING, PEOPLE! Without making a peep after going to bed. (Well, after the crying...)

[Subsequently, it should have been the best night of sleep I've had since she was 2 months old when she slept 8 hours at a time... but I woke up every hour wondering when she was going to wake up. Go figure. Still! It was a win for the David family!]

However, there is something so so sad about letting your sweet child cry herself to sleep. But, there are going to be lots of those moments, I'm sure. Encouraging her to go to overnight camp even though she is terrified... Teaching her to love and deal with mean kids at school... Disciplining her for making foolish choices... None of these things will be fun. I will probably cry. I will probably hurt for her. I will probably want to swoop down to save her, and I will on occasion! Afterall, God swooped down to save me, and that is what grace is, right?

But, right now, I am embarking on the first of many journeys in teaching Elle to be independent. (Not indpendAnt.)

For the record. I tried lots of other methods in my opposition to letting her cry. Pick Up/Put Down from the Baby Whisperer being the most successful. It just was not sustainable overnight. BUT, this method did help Elle not to be dependent on nursing to sleep and if you have an iron will and a husband with an iron will, then I say DO IT! It's a great alternative to letting your kid CIO. Despite what some doctors and authors say, letting them cry isn't the only way, but other ways just didn't work for our family. The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg is a great resource and is by far the best and most moderate (in regards to attachment parenting vs. putting your kids on a strict schedule) parenting book I've read. Which, I really value.

And, what kind of mother would I be if I didn't leave you with a little picture to oogle? :)

And, just because she's even cuter awake than she is asleep :)

One Reason I Haven't Blogged in 3 Months...

I blame my 3 month blogging silence on this little cheeser. Isn't she adorable? She gets cuter by the day.

Currently she is:

-Scooting and bellyflopping (moves her legs then flops on her belly to get her arms where she needs them to be to go forward.)

-Babbling and cooing with g- , m-, l- and oo- sounds.

-Proportional. At one point her head was in the 95th percentile and her weight and height were in the 75th. Currently her head and body are all in the 75th percentile. :)

-Feeding herself some finger foods. She's a pro at getting pieces of cereal into her mouth. Bite-sized grapes on the other hand, not quite as successful.

-Wearing mostly 9 month clothes.

-Reaching out for people she loves. [She loves lots of people. :)]

-Has a new bestie, Edgar the Border Collie. Papa Tyler finally relented and let us add a dog to our little family. Edgar is a little less than a year and has a super sweet disposition. Elle loves him and giggles anytime he comes close.

That's all the documentation for now. I'm going to do my best not to let another 1/4 of a year go by before I write out all the exciting things that are going on around here.

But, for now I'm going to enjoy the post bedtime silence and glass of wine with my husband.

4 Whole Months

One year ago around this time, on our lunch break from meetings and classroom prep, Mandie and I were riding in the car and she said to me, "Next year around this time you will have a 4 month old! Oh my goodness!" I sat wide-eyed and said, "Yup." I had just told her that I was pregnant and I was definitely still in shock myself.

Well, miss Elle-Belle, today you are 4 months old. And I still feel like I'm sitting wide-eyed saying, "yup" to myself.

Month One

Your first month with us was so sweet. It was full of learning how to bathe you, struggling with breastfeeding, figuring out what to do about diaper rash, and snuggling you.

Thinking back to you in that first month, you were so teeny tiny. You slept best when you were next to me or your daddy. I spent lots of time on our cream couch with you. Mostly because I just couldn't pull myself away from you and partly because I was too exhausted to do anything else.

You also smiled at about 4 weeks. That was probably my favorite part of this month. I don't think anyone really believed me so it was our little secret for a while.

I learned a lot about my need for community and the worth that I get from achieving tangible things and not Jesus.

Month Two

This month was filled with lots of transition. You transitioned to staying awake a lot more, you finally transitioned to sleeping in your bassinet, and then transitioned to sleeping in your very own room when we moved to our new house. [A house that I'm sure I'll never want to leave simply because it will hold so many memories of you doing new things in it.]

One glorious, glorious morning I woke up to the sunshine in a panic because I was so used to waking up to your cries in the dark. Much to my surprise, you had slept for 6 long, luxurious hours. Thanks for letting me feel like a brand new woman. :) From that day on you mostly slept 6-8 hours straight at night. You spoiled me.

You let others in our little secret and started smiling in public, except you were still very selective. Most of the time you looked like you were sizing everyone up.

Your daddy and I spent a large amount of our time with you trying to get you to smile :) Your daddy is still pretty good at it, and I imagine it will be that way for some time.

Month Three

This might be most favorite month of all with you. There were so many firsts! You rolled over, you found your feet, you belly laughed. Someone said somewhere, that baby belly laughs should be bottled and sold. I fully agree. I still tear up when I hear that sweet little laugh. You had your first plane ride (you did great!), first cross country road trip (it would have been exhausting no matter how great you did), first boat ride (you weren't a fan of the constricting life jacket and 100 degree temperature combination), first beach trip. It was jam packed with lots of adventure. I learned that taking you with us on all these trips is not entirely restful, but I couldn't imagine being anywhere without you for that long.

You began sitting in your exersaucer and I watched with my own eyes as you learned that you could make things happen. You learned how to spin the clicking wheel with your chubby little hand and it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. When I plop you in it now, you're a wheel spinning pro.

I'm learning that I probably will miss teaching this year, but I wouldn't trade getting to spend my days with you for the perfect job in the perfect school with the perfect coworkers and students. Never.

Three months have come and gone and we love you more than the day we met you. We love watching your little personality develop. You are joyful, easy to please, people-loving. I can't wait for what this new month holds. I love looking forward to so many new things.

I am realizing that you grow up much too fast for my liking. So I'm learning to do my best to enjoy each sweet little moment.

I'm so thankful that God picked me to be your mama and to shepherd your tiny heart. Praying that He is glorified in our family as we struggle to figure all of this out. Happy 4 months, my sweet little Love Bucket.

[Mama Post] Babies and Sleep

I'm not writing this post because I've got Elle's sleep figured out, nor am I writing it because I've exhausted my research on the topic. I just want to open a dialogue on sleep and offer up my experience, anxiety and conclusions as of late.

For the first 8-10 weeks of Elle's sweet little life, she would sleep anywhere. I never really worried about naps, because she slept whenever she was tired. And she would sleep anywhere I went. At this point she was sleeping 6-8 hours a night on her own. I didn't have to do anything to help her do this. It was marvelous. I'm sure I didn't appreciate what a magical time that was for me.

Well, as Elle is becoming a thriving 4 month old, she's much more alert, awake more often, sees all kinds of things and has a really hard time napping. She also has been going through her 4 month growth spurt (I think) so she wakes up a couple of times a night to eat. (However, there was one night this week she slept for 9 hours straight, so I think we're maybe climbing our way out of that one.) All this to say, I began thinking about Elle's sleep habits and thought maybe it's time to start some research on sleep training and what that might look like for our family. Now, as I said, I still have not exhausted my research on the subject, but I've read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth and have been talking to friends and thinking lots about my sweet girl's sleeping habits and how I can help her learn to be a better sleeper.

I don't know if I've shared this before, but when I do lots of research on baby-raising, I tend to get really anxious, "Oh gosh! I don't do this! I've ruined my child!" or "Oh gosh! My kid isn't like this. What's wrong with her?!?!" or "Dr. So-and-So says this. I CANNOT deviate!"

This dialogue goes on internally most of the time. On the outside, I try to project myself laid back and cool-as-a-cucumber. Ha! Maybe I don't fool some of you. Hopefully I don't.

Here are some things that are currently happening in our lives as far as sleep is concerned. Then I'll get into what I hope to change.

- I almost always nurse and/or rock Elle to sleep. I think Dr. Weissbluth calls this "Parent aided sleep." What I really like about this book is that it never says that this is a bad method. I've read some other books (maybe Babywise? I can't really remember) that say that this is NOT a good idea. Subsequently, I had this notion that nursing my sweet girl to sleep was bad. "Bad, mama!" But it was easiest and convenient for both of us. Her feeding times seemed to come right before bed time and nap time. So we went with it. But I just felt so guilty. Because I thought it was wrong. Because I thought I was messing up my child or creating some kind of unhealthy sleep association. False. I've since decided that I totally don't mind nursing her to sleep. I actually really love it. It works for us. My issue here is that she'll sleep in my arms like a champ. But when it comes to nap times, she has a tough time sleeping after I put her down. I'll get into this more in a minute.

-She has fallen into an almost regular nap schedule. She will get sleepy around 9:45am. If I wait until 10:15 to start soothing her to sleep, it's too late and she's a crazy lady. I did learn from Dr. Weissbluth that an infant who is overtired is much MUCH harder to get to sleep than an infant who is just entering the sleepy zone. I've learned Elle's tired signals and do my very best to get that girl lightly swaddled and calmed down really quickly. And honestly, it works most of the time. She goes right to sleep and often when I catch her at the right moment, she's much easier to put down after she falls asleep. Her morning nap ranges anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours. Yesterday her morning nap was 2 hours. Then she gets tired again around 12-1 depending on how long she slept during her morning nap. Here's where I didn't love Dr. Weissbluth. He expressly states that any nap under 45 minutes is not a viable nap and not restorative for her. So, when she would wake up after 20 minutes of napping, I felt like I HAD to get her back down. I would try, she would flip out because she was not wanting to sleep at all. Stress. What I realized is this: if she's not cranky after her 20 minute nap, that's all she needed. I'll keep an eye out for her tired signals and put her down if I can later, even if it's not at her regular nap times.

-I've started keeping a nap log. Similar to the diaper and feeding log they make you keep on your baby the first couple weeks of her life. But I just log when she sleeps and how long and what comes before and after the nap/sleep. This has just helped me figure out her sleep patterns and how much she's getting. More for my peace of mind than anything. And if she has a particularly rough day, I can look at how much sleep she got and see if it had anything to do with that. This makes me sound more anal than I am. It's not that big of a deal. I just opened a sticky note on my desktop and just write it in when I think about it. I started doing this to put myself at ease about her sleep habits. Another thing I didn't love about Dr. Weissbluth's book was that they really lay it on thick at the beginning of the book about what can happen if your kid doesn't get enough sleep. (ADHD, Learning Disorders, all hell will break loose, etc.) So I was freaking out a little. The nap log reassured me that she was fine. Also, trusting that God, who created her, is in control of her sleep and whatever happens as a result.

What I want to change:

-I really would like Elle to be able to fall asleep on her own. It would make having sitters and being at other people's houses around bed time/nap time alot easier. So we're going to work on that. Not sure what works best as far as this is concerned. Do I need to give up nursing/rocking her to sleep cold turkey and never do it again? Can I do a combo of both? Thoughts?

-Sleeping longer hours at night. Really this is more for my comfort than anything. Lately, things have been crazy at night. Like first 3 weeks crazy, so maybe I'm being overly ambitious because I'm so ready for a normal night of sleep again. But I feel like 10 hours on average is a reasonable goal for her. The best we've gotten in the past month is 9. And that was 2 nights ago. and the only time she slept through the night at all in the past month.

So I'm currently researching different sleep training methods, understanding that I'm mostly ok with my daughters' current sleep habits. She does pretty good and so do we. Again, just wanted to share my experience as a very unexperienced mother who's just figuring it out as we go (sort of.) Feel free to leave thoughts, comments, suggestions, what have you.

Happy Sleeping!

Post-thought: Little Love Bucket took a TWO HOUR afternoon nap. And her morning nap was ONE HOUR! WAHOO! This mama's happy.

Storytime...

So, this morning... I set myself up to spend some good time reading my bible. Elle had just fallen into a sweet angelic sleep, I had a (very large) cup of coffee beside me. (To make up for the sleep that was stolen right out from under me by my little Lovey. More on that later...) My brand new, shiny journal, Sharpie pen, and bible were at the ready. Good start to my morning...

Then...

Sweet angelic noises started coming from the swing where Elle was napping. She wasn't crying. Just not sleeping. So i let her play there for a while until the sweet noises turned to fussing. And then the fussing to crying. So I gave up and grabbed her for some cuddle time.

Then we did this:

If you don't feel like watching it, that's ok. I'm not offended in the slightest. I'll just tell you about it.

Elle and I read The Jesus Story Book Bible. This is not your everyday "Bible Stories For Kids" book. It's beautiful and wonderful and more often than not brings me to tears reminding me of the character of God. The whole purpose of the book is to retell these Bible stories in a way that explicitly lays out Jesus, God's Son, as the crux of the whole book. "Every story whispers his name." It's beautiful.

*Also, if you didn't watch the video, you missed out on Elle giggling while I read the story. Pretty funny to me, but I'm a bit biased I suppose.

Anyway, back to the purpose of this blogpost. As I sat there, reading to my 3 month old, God was so sweet and faithful to encourage me as His daughter. Here's what I read:

"So God breathed life into Adam and Eve. When they opened their eyes, the first thing they ever saw was God's face.

And when God saw them he was like a new dad. "You look like me," he said. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever made!"

God loved them with all of his heart. And they were lovely because he loved them."

Along with being a new parent and wrapping my head around that "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever made!" sentiment (except my comprehension of this is but a brush stroke to God's masterpiece work of Love)... I was reminded that I, too am lovely because He loves me.

Often, subconsciously I think, I believe the lie that God is frustrated or exasperated with my stupidity, lack of discipline, cowardice, etc. (I really could go on and on with a list of words describing why God should be exasperated with me.) But the good news is that even though I am all of those words and probably to a far greater degree than I care to admit to myself, I am lovely. I am lovely to Him because Jesus was lovely to Him. He didn't leave me to fend for myself and try to earn my way back to Him. I often believe "God doesn't love me" as evidenced by my lack of trust, faithfulness, lust after fleeting gratification... but He does and sent His Son to show just how much He does, in fact, love me. He moved heaven and hell so that I could know his "Never stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love."

This is news that I need to be reminded of every single hour of my life. It is good news. and it is for me. and for you.